Raindrops Keep Falling...

Those drops of collected dew drops (say that ten times fast) really are falling not on my head though since I have trying to stay out of rain because once again I became sick with fever, chills, horrible aches, and a desperate need for drugs. So while I was chilling with my buddies Tylonal, Advil and sometimes Ibeprofen I would stop everything to listen to the natural rythmes of the rain hiting my window. I love the rain mainly because it does wonders for my backyard. I am one of those people that don't stop using their imagination and I admit to thinking up belies of little people like in the movie Author and the Invisibles. Anyway my faja just came home with some grapes so I am going to go get them and help him with the groceries so have a nice night. Oh and by the way there might be lighting again to night.
Okay I am back after deciding that I was not done anyway... back to the little people thing I was serious about that. Not in a way where I believe they are there but i Think about it a sense where I could imgaine imagining that they are. It would be cool I think well only if there were the nice kind unlike the ones in the Spiderwick Chronicles(reffering to the books not the movie {the movie was more the disapointing but expected to be less than pleasing anyway}). Okay so moving away from the little people thing I love puddles. I personally don't enjoy splashing in them but I love finding the huge wholes full of water and mud so I can stick my feet in them to see how far they go. I almost slipped into one today it was beyond deep and then there was another that some how didn't have any water in it too. I lost my shoe in that one. It was funny and I lauged a little bit out loud. Okay well I am going to jet and watch the United States of Tara. So this time good bye for real for now anyway bum bum bum.

(none)

swallow it
swallow the pride you felt when you learned you were right
the hateful words sitting on the edge of your tongue
swallow it all
everything negative and unwanted
and then and only then can you release every good and positive thought within your every limb and sector of your soul
until that quintessentiall moment you will never be free in thought and feeling

you'll never know how is supposed to be 

your mind will stay clouded until you expand without retreating to a blanket of comfort

one day though

we might all see the error in the way we live life

but until that day we can all drift together in this mist of faiths and emotions

I want to have the perfect conversation with a best friend or even someone that I haven't met before. Learning about someone... well about people is the best I can do when it comes to finding some kind of enjoyment within the walls of life. 

Eh I am not feeling this blog anymore so je suis aller to stop with that et continuez watching the Jour de Valentine special on current tv so bon soir.

Oh and I just changed the playlist on my page so listen up if you are in the mood.

Possibly, Maybe, Wouldn't Doubt It

The smallest things make me happy
The smallest things that should make me happy make me irritated
And all these little things make me mad

I wish that was how everything really was, but it is not. Small things really do make me happy though, but only if my mind was set on it. Say I really want to meet someone and then I meet a person that would increase my mood intensely.
One word that I have been hearing a lot lately is the word indifferent and i think I have been showing this trait a lot lately. I wish I could just speak my mind more often instead of just having little conversations in my head. Not the ones where I answer my self but ones where I answer others. One thing that i have continue to show to myself is that I really don't care what people think and that makes me happy. Without these shallow thoughts filling my head I have become more observant. There are a few people that I have been paying close attention to that just seem so desperate for something. If you stop for a few seconds you can see when someone is trying socially. Obsession, over compensation, and striving to be noticed. I don't really care about any of this I feel quite "indifferent" about a lot of things that I talk about. So I just stop talking.

tainted

i feel tainted 

not tainted in the sense that i have been hanging out with micheal phelps 

or in a way where i have stopped caring about capitalising i's

or using periods

but in a way that allows me to want to jump out a window that so i could be reminded that i am alive

that is a lie

i cannot even fall backward on my bed

i like the blogs i write in my head more they make me sound more tolerable

i have things to do

and this is mostly just a glorious act of procrastination

it might work 

most likely not

This Isn't Torture

What is a word that goes unresponded?

Unheard by any ear nor read by any eyes.

It's destined to float and never be understood or thought of.

Those words will go unknown and be added upon continuously.

They will always be waiting for you in back of my closet.

Anxiously ready to tell you  everything.

I have learned a thousands the honesty is the right, but still even now I choose to keep my secrets. Every now and then one will slip. However that is only every now and then. The rest the time my doors stay shut to everyone. I wish I could a person that I will never have to face again. So I can tell every deed, feeling, thought, a moment that has flown out of body and into that the closet that I love so dearly for existing. 

It cannot just anyone though. Because want know things for the sake of knowing things. Other want to know things because they you think want them to know things. Maybe I think this because that is who I am. Maybe not.. I should be cleaning my room right and putting things in my real closet. Even if I did meet that perfect person that fit every criteria I probably still wouldn't tell them everything.

I hope I get to see Coraline tomorrow I read the book today. It had a lot of insight and theories of people. I like books like that. The kind that make you think even after you have finished. It's the type of book that I could go back and read again. Actually that's is  a lie (probably) I can never read books twice not even the ones written by Rick Moody. That's is life though or at least a small part of mine. 

I was going to right some more but I should stop before that closet opens again. Might be time to fix that door. Or maybe let some of it come out before it all pours out. I haven't cried in while. Well in a week I think. If only general sadness could make me cry... ope nothing.

meow... 

...

You depress me

I hate you

Don't look at me anymore

Never share your opinion

...

You're my heaven

I love you anyway

Peer into my soul

Never leave me

...

I will never tell you any of this 

^_^ yep

Really?

My mind is basically a pile of mush right now so I cannot really say if I learned this today or yesterday, but I do know that I learned it on Current TV. 

What I thought: The United States helped out the most during World War II.

What I learned: The Soviet Union relieved the most concentration camps.

What I was surprised to find: The most Neo-Nazis can be found within Russia.

I was really was shocked to see this. Seeing it also made me beyond scared to go to Russia. I really can't even describe it right so I suggest watching this video. It scenically makes me sad that people are still dong this kind of stuff. Was there ever a time where there was a war? I was watching this other pod on Israeli and Arabic comedians and one of them was wearing this shirt that said "Fighting for peace is like f...ing for virginity" and whoever made that shirt was right because it really is like a oxy moron. I world without weapons would be amazing. Because without the fear of danger there wouldn't be the need for a false sense of protection. That will never happen though and I am rambling a again so watch the video and think a little.

Watch Me <---