Decisions

Okay so this week I guess we will be choosing our classes and I am on the fence on a lot of things. I am still thinking about the AP Lang class. I think I want to do it though so I can improve my writing because personally I think it could use some work. I ramble in my every day kind of talk and it comes through in my writing as well (unfortunately). Then there is the decision concerning AP Bio because my original plan was to take than for my science course after taking physics this summer at Evergreen community college along with a class in basic film photography. I think my parents think I could potentially become suicidal (there was a little incident before that had nothing to do with hurting myself by the way) so they are super weary about letting me take all APs. Oh well I just have to think it over a little bit more hopefully I will be happy with my final choices. I really don't want to make any choices that I would regret. In a way it doesn't really matter because I am not really planning on using any of this stuff later on well some of it like AP Lang and this it is always good to know about our past. AP Bio on the other hand is not very important in the world of photography unless I was trying to take a picture of some awesome reaction that used nitrogen. Maybe then, but hmph I really don't know. Sooner or later I will be faced to make a decision about my not far away future but for now finishing this blog and a few other assignments are my only current aspirations.

Gluttony is a Sin

Okay so whenever I get bored I surf the web normally to find good music but today I choose to mix it up and watch some Albino Black Sheep videos. There was this one about an apple which made me laugh and for some reason made me think of Nico(conut) which mad me crack  up even more. Okay but that is not what I was originally going to tell you. Originally I was going to say watch this video and how it represents some type of truth. When is to much? Should we stop while we are ahead? In this clip the answer to that is yes. Oh and you should watch this one too:(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTsoYpzYA4I) just because. It makes me crack up beyond what it should.

The Beauty of a Moving Tree

The beauty of a moving tree is so immense that I cannot fully describe seeing on makes me feel. Especially when they are big and you can see the separate brushes of branches moving together in an awkward way that goes completely right because that is nature's will. If you do not feel the same way then I would suggest you look at one for around five minutes so you can. Even the maple blossoms that line the streets. On Sunday on my way back from church they petals were flowing in the wind like it was solid precipitation. So beautiful I wish I had a branch right now so I could shake all about my bed. That way when I take my nap they will come with me and follow my every movement like a restless and gorgeous shadow. Unfortunately though I do not have a branch and I wouldn't cut one off just to fulfill my fanciful dreams and without the branch I still have the need to sleep so avoir.

What I Wish for

I like to turn my wants into wishes I don't believe that it will come true and maybe that is my problem, but my beliefs are beside the point here. Because right now I want to jump out of my one story window so I can play in the rain and mud. For now though I will continue to replay the events of last night, this morning, and the days to come. I have a lot of stuff that I need to be doing right now this technically being one of them. I am so worried about things that I have caused. I wish I could have a pause button that I could just press for certain parts of my life. Kookookachoo, I am going to go do something a little more productive as in... planning for a potentially fun weekend or at least I am hoping that it will be like that.

Raindrops Keep Falling...

Those drops of collected dew drops (say that ten times fast) really are falling not on my head though since I have trying to stay out of rain because once again I became sick with fever, chills, horrible aches, and a desperate need for drugs. So while I was chilling with my buddies Tylonal, Advil and sometimes Ibeprofen I would stop everything to listen to the natural rythmes of the rain hiting my window. I love the rain mainly because it does wonders for my backyard. I am one of those people that don't stop using their imagination and I admit to thinking up belies of little people like in the movie Author and the Invisibles. Anyway my faja just came home with some grapes so I am going to go get them and help him with the groceries so have a nice night. Oh and by the way there might be lighting again to night.
Okay I am back after deciding that I was not done anyway... back to the little people thing I was serious about that. Not in a way where I believe they are there but i Think about it a sense where I could imgaine imagining that they are. It would be cool I think well only if there were the nice kind unlike the ones in the Spiderwick Chronicles(reffering to the books not the movie {the movie was more the disapointing but expected to be less than pleasing anyway}). Okay so moving away from the little people thing I love puddles. I personally don't enjoy splashing in them but I love finding the huge wholes full of water and mud so I can stick my feet in them to see how far they go. I almost slipped into one today it was beyond deep and then there was another that some how didn't have any water in it too. I lost my shoe in that one. It was funny and I lauged a little bit out loud. Okay well I am going to jet and watch the United States of Tara. So this time good bye for real for now anyway bum bum bum.

(none)

swallow it
swallow the pride you felt when you learned you were right
the hateful words sitting on the edge of your tongue
swallow it all
everything negative and unwanted
and then and only then can you release every good and positive thought within your every limb and sector of your soul
until that quintessentiall moment you will never be free in thought and feeling

you'll never know how is supposed to be 

your mind will stay clouded until you expand without retreating to a blanket of comfort

one day though

we might all see the error in the way we live life

but until that day we can all drift together in this mist of faiths and emotions

I want to have the perfect conversation with a best friend or even someone that I haven't met before. Learning about someone... well about people is the best I can do when it comes to finding some kind of enjoyment within the walls of life. 

Eh I am not feeling this blog anymore so je suis aller to stop with that et continuez watching the Jour de Valentine special on current tv so bon soir.

Oh and I just changed the playlist on my page so listen up if you are in the mood.

Possibly, Maybe, Wouldn't Doubt It

The smallest things make me happy
The smallest things that should make me happy make me irritated
And all these little things make me mad

I wish that was how everything really was, but it is not. Small things really do make me happy though, but only if my mind was set on it. Say I really want to meet someone and then I meet a person that would increase my mood intensely.
One word that I have been hearing a lot lately is the word indifferent and i think I have been showing this trait a lot lately. I wish I could just speak my mind more often instead of just having little conversations in my head. Not the ones where I answer my self but ones where I answer others. One thing that i have continue to show to myself is that I really don't care what people think and that makes me happy. Without these shallow thoughts filling my head I have become more observant. There are a few people that I have been paying close attention to that just seem so desperate for something. If you stop for a few seconds you can see when someone is trying socially. Obsession, over compensation, and striving to be noticed. I don't really care about any of this I feel quite "indifferent" about a lot of things that I talk about. So I just stop talking.