Blah, Blah, Blah: Response #2

The conversations we do sometimes have with peers can be seen as pointless and superficial. It is very often that one would ask a question out of politeness without meaning or actually caring about the questioned asked. On many occasions I have asked how a person was with out really paying any attention to the response while going about my business shortly after.
Kessler is extremely honest and casual about her feelings toward the conversations that transpire between her and her peers. It is not too critical to say the conversation we sometimes have do not contain any meaning. Kessler uses the words “trite” and “gratuitous” to make a point. In this situation and for her essay these word choices prove to be very appropriate.

Green Monsters

It would most definitly please me to say that I have never been jelause of anything. Unfortunetly if I did attempt to admit to that lie my nose would be as long as the Gunderson Pool and there would be a birds nest at the end of it. Of course that is a total exageration. I truthfully can say that I don't get jealous very often. I can also say that it is mainly over two things: one being food and two being radiant hapiness. I'm not a depressed person in the least, but after having a week or two of okay days the idea of an infintily climatic day can easily seap into ones state of mind. I don't lust over other peoples' lives. I lust over the perfect idea of my own. One person's cup of tea can be another poison right? It's what I believe and the reason I don't just follow people around trying to be them. That is getting off the subject though so we can forget about that for now. Basically I just wanted to get these thoughts out of my head and onto something else. The memory of my pc can hold these thoughts for me until I have a plan. I really would just love to have more phenomal days, but I am greatful for the ones I have already had and the people that helped me make them. Those are the memories I want to keep close to my heart and mind.

I Think it's Kind of Funny...

I think it's kind of funny how the moment we reach that perfect moment of relaxation is the same moment that we feel completely bored out of our skulls. Or maybe its just me, but humans tend to want what they don't have. While having that relaxation time to yourself you are leaving out all those fun times to be had with other. I suppose it is all about balance though. Maybe one day I will have it.

Swine Flu

The effects the media has on people is amazing. The reason that sparked this thought was the many pictures of people wearing those face mask respirating things. Anyway so I have be seeing pictures like that every day when I go to My Yahoo homepage and under the picture the subtitle will say something like "is swine flu the big one?" Hearing all the hype, I decided to google swine and found that it probably won't end up being the "big one." Who knows though I guess, but unless you are living anywhere near pigs you are quite safe. And if you are like me and are thinking "what about food can you catch from that?" The answer is no apparently if you are eating properly cooked pork you will not catch and if you do that means you food was cooked incorrectly and you might be at risk so something even more serious like salmonella(I don't really know if that is more serious). Bird flu seemed much worse because it is much harder to stay away from pigeons and seagulls then a pig farm. Unless you work them I guess. Anyway this blog is starting to go off track so this shall be the last sentence.

CST's Can Suspend Time

Sometimes good things come from these test too like this poem. I really liked it and would agree that these are some decent rules to live by.

If by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

Obession

I know a person that we will name A that is completely crazy. Yeah sure I love A, but I always want to kick A in the shin as well. Any way A is driving me crazy and needs to get over themselves and needs to stop building their confidents on failed attempts to put people down. Well you sucks for you A because you don't effect me and you only effect those that pity you.

Post Earth Hour

So I really did do it like I went behind my dusty tv and unplugged that too. Yay me. It gave me a chance to do some major thinking I might do that once a week now. Hopefully I will follow through with that, but until then I will just continue on with my night.

Sex in the City: The Movie

It was an inspirational movie and a borderline porno. I didn't like all of it and I have never seen the show but the friendships that they made me happy. Right after seeing the movie I put on some heels(even though i have blisters), tried on my favorite dress and plotted what would be the best girls night out.
Since that will not be happening tonight I am going to watch The Wedding Date for the 6th or 7th time.
Oh and I plan on trying to participate in Earth Hour so hopefully I will be able to turn this off.

Mostly Sure

I am mostly sure that my classes will include: AP Lang, AP US History, Algebra w/ Trig, Physics, Digital Photography and Drama (as a techie). The only thing I have to think about is Leadership and wether or not i am willing to sell my sou to thatl again.

The other thing I am sure about is my poem for the poetry slam that goes a little like this (it might be tweaked though)
What is a word that goes un-responded?
Unheard by any ear nor read by any eyes.
Is it destined to float and never be understood or thought of.
Those words will always be waiting for you
Anxious and ready to tell you everything

And then...hopefully
Yet doubtfully
My every thought and feeling will pour out into
Every crevasse and plane of your soul

Until that day my doors will be shut
The keys lost
And my mind swimming in denial

For now my words can accept their fate
And will continue to waiting
For their happily ever after.

Decisions

Okay so this week I guess we will be choosing our classes and I am on the fence on a lot of things. I am still thinking about the AP Lang class. I think I want to do it though so I can improve my writing because personally I think it could use some work. I ramble in my every day kind of talk and it comes through in my writing as well (unfortunately). Then there is the decision concerning AP Bio because my original plan was to take than for my science course after taking physics this summer at Evergreen community college along with a class in basic film photography. I think my parents think I could potentially become suicidal (there was a little incident before that had nothing to do with hurting myself by the way) so they are super weary about letting me take all APs. Oh well I just have to think it over a little bit more hopefully I will be happy with my final choices. I really don't want to make any choices that I would regret. In a way it doesn't really matter because I am not really planning on using any of this stuff later on well some of it like AP Lang and this it is always good to know about our past. AP Bio on the other hand is not very important in the world of photography unless I was trying to take a picture of some awesome reaction that used nitrogen. Maybe then, but hmph I really don't know. Sooner or later I will be faced to make a decision about my not far away future but for now finishing this blog and a few other assignments are my only current aspirations.

Gluttony is a Sin

Okay so whenever I get bored I surf the web normally to find good music but today I choose to mix it up and watch some Albino Black Sheep videos. There was this one about an apple which made me laugh and for some reason made me think of Nico(conut) which mad me crack  up even more. Okay but that is not what I was originally going to tell you. Originally I was going to say watch this video and how it represents some type of truth. When is to much? Should we stop while we are ahead? In this clip the answer to that is yes. Oh and you should watch this one too:(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTsoYpzYA4I) just because. It makes me crack up beyond what it should.

The Beauty of a Moving Tree

The beauty of a moving tree is so immense that I cannot fully describe seeing on makes me feel. Especially when they are big and you can see the separate brushes of branches moving together in an awkward way that goes completely right because that is nature's will. If you do not feel the same way then I would suggest you look at one for around five minutes so you can. Even the maple blossoms that line the streets. On Sunday on my way back from church they petals were flowing in the wind like it was solid precipitation. So beautiful I wish I had a branch right now so I could shake all about my bed. That way when I take my nap they will come with me and follow my every movement like a restless and gorgeous shadow. Unfortunately though I do not have a branch and I wouldn't cut one off just to fulfill my fanciful dreams and without the branch I still have the need to sleep so avoir.

What I Wish for

I like to turn my wants into wishes I don't believe that it will come true and maybe that is my problem, but my beliefs are beside the point here. Because right now I want to jump out of my one story window so I can play in the rain and mud. For now though I will continue to replay the events of last night, this morning, and the days to come. I have a lot of stuff that I need to be doing right now this technically being one of them. I am so worried about things that I have caused. I wish I could have a pause button that I could just press for certain parts of my life. Kookookachoo, I am going to go do something a little more productive as in... planning for a potentially fun weekend or at least I am hoping that it will be like that.

Raindrops Keep Falling...

Those drops of collected dew drops (say that ten times fast) really are falling not on my head though since I have trying to stay out of rain because once again I became sick with fever, chills, horrible aches, and a desperate need for drugs. So while I was chilling with my buddies Tylonal, Advil and sometimes Ibeprofen I would stop everything to listen to the natural rythmes of the rain hiting my window. I love the rain mainly because it does wonders for my backyard. I am one of those people that don't stop using their imagination and I admit to thinking up belies of little people like in the movie Author and the Invisibles. Anyway my faja just came home with some grapes so I am going to go get them and help him with the groceries so have a nice night. Oh and by the way there might be lighting again to night.
Okay I am back after deciding that I was not done anyway... back to the little people thing I was serious about that. Not in a way where I believe they are there but i Think about it a sense where I could imgaine imagining that they are. It would be cool I think well only if there were the nice kind unlike the ones in the Spiderwick Chronicles(reffering to the books not the movie {the movie was more the disapointing but expected to be less than pleasing anyway}). Okay so moving away from the little people thing I love puddles. I personally don't enjoy splashing in them but I love finding the huge wholes full of water and mud so I can stick my feet in them to see how far they go. I almost slipped into one today it was beyond deep and then there was another that some how didn't have any water in it too. I lost my shoe in that one. It was funny and I lauged a little bit out loud. Okay well I am going to jet and watch the United States of Tara. So this time good bye for real for now anyway bum bum bum.

(none)

swallow it
swallow the pride you felt when you learned you were right
the hateful words sitting on the edge of your tongue
swallow it all
everything negative and unwanted
and then and only then can you release every good and positive thought within your every limb and sector of your soul
until that quintessentiall moment you will never be free in thought and feeling

you'll never know how is supposed to be 

your mind will stay clouded until you expand without retreating to a blanket of comfort

one day though

we might all see the error in the way we live life

but until that day we can all drift together in this mist of faiths and emotions

I want to have the perfect conversation with a best friend or even someone that I haven't met before. Learning about someone... well about people is the best I can do when it comes to finding some kind of enjoyment within the walls of life. 

Eh I am not feeling this blog anymore so je suis aller to stop with that et continuez watching the Jour de Valentine special on current tv so bon soir.

Oh and I just changed the playlist on my page so listen up if you are in the mood.

Possibly, Maybe, Wouldn't Doubt It

The smallest things make me happy
The smallest things that should make me happy make me irritated
And all these little things make me mad

I wish that was how everything really was, but it is not. Small things really do make me happy though, but only if my mind was set on it. Say I really want to meet someone and then I meet a person that would increase my mood intensely.
One word that I have been hearing a lot lately is the word indifferent and i think I have been showing this trait a lot lately. I wish I could just speak my mind more often instead of just having little conversations in my head. Not the ones where I answer my self but ones where I answer others. One thing that i have continue to show to myself is that I really don't care what people think and that makes me happy. Without these shallow thoughts filling my head I have become more observant. There are a few people that I have been paying close attention to that just seem so desperate for something. If you stop for a few seconds you can see when someone is trying socially. Obsession, over compensation, and striving to be noticed. I don't really care about any of this I feel quite "indifferent" about a lot of things that I talk about. So I just stop talking.

tainted

i feel tainted 

not tainted in the sense that i have been hanging out with micheal phelps 

or in a way where i have stopped caring about capitalising i's

or using periods

but in a way that allows me to want to jump out a window that so i could be reminded that i am alive

that is a lie

i cannot even fall backward on my bed

i like the blogs i write in my head more they make me sound more tolerable

i have things to do

and this is mostly just a glorious act of procrastination

it might work 

most likely not

This Isn't Torture

What is a word that goes unresponded?

Unheard by any ear nor read by any eyes.

It's destined to float and never be understood or thought of.

Those words will go unknown and be added upon continuously.

They will always be waiting for you in back of my closet.

Anxiously ready to tell you  everything.

I have learned a thousands the honesty is the right, but still even now I choose to keep my secrets. Every now and then one will slip. However that is only every now and then. The rest the time my doors stay shut to everyone. I wish I could a person that I will never have to face again. So I can tell every deed, feeling, thought, a moment that has flown out of body and into that the closet that I love so dearly for existing. 

It cannot just anyone though. Because want know things for the sake of knowing things. Other want to know things because they you think want them to know things. Maybe I think this because that is who I am. Maybe not.. I should be cleaning my room right and putting things in my real closet. Even if I did meet that perfect person that fit every criteria I probably still wouldn't tell them everything.

I hope I get to see Coraline tomorrow I read the book today. It had a lot of insight and theories of people. I like books like that. The kind that make you think even after you have finished. It's the type of book that I could go back and read again. Actually that's is  a lie (probably) I can never read books twice not even the ones written by Rick Moody. That's is life though or at least a small part of mine. 

I was going to right some more but I should stop before that closet opens again. Might be time to fix that door. Or maybe let some of it come out before it all pours out. I haven't cried in while. Well in a week I think. If only general sadness could make me cry... ope nothing.

meow... 

...

You depress me

I hate you

Don't look at me anymore

Never share your opinion

...

You're my heaven

I love you anyway

Peer into my soul

Never leave me

...

I will never tell you any of this 

^_^ yep

Really?

My mind is basically a pile of mush right now so I cannot really say if I learned this today or yesterday, but I do know that I learned it on Current TV. 

What I thought: The United States helped out the most during World War II.

What I learned: The Soviet Union relieved the most concentration camps.

What I was surprised to find: The most Neo-Nazis can be found within Russia.

I was really was shocked to see this. Seeing it also made me beyond scared to go to Russia. I really can't even describe it right so I suggest watching this video. It scenically makes me sad that people are still dong this kind of stuff. Was there ever a time where there was a war? I was watching this other pod on Israeli and Arabic comedians and one of them was wearing this shirt that said "Fighting for peace is like f...ing for virginity" and whoever made that shirt was right because it really is like a oxy moron. I world without weapons would be amazing. Because without the fear of danger there wouldn't be the need for a false sense of protection. That will never happen though and I am rambling a again so watch the video and think a little.

Watch Me <---